What Can You Fail at Today?

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Failure

Why is it so scary? Why does it paralyze so many of us from doing what is needed to achieve our dreams? And how can we move through the fear of failure in order to have what we want in life?

The mere mention of the word can stop most of us in our tracks and keep us from doing even the simplest of things toward what we want. Many of us will even act in self defeating ways in order to avoid failure. Inadvertently we set ourselves up for failure by trying to avoid it. Failure plays such a huge role in what we believe to be our social status, what people think of us and how people feel about us as a person. After all, who wants to be seen as a failure?

So what is it about failure that is so bad? In reality, most of the time, failure isn’t so bad. In fact failure can often benefit us, but it is the fear of failure that keeps us paralyzed. The fear of failure can keep a person motionless for years, sometimes their entire life, just because they are afraid to fail.

Fear of Failure

Usually the fear of failure, isn’t based in the actual act of failing. Don’t get me wrong, failing isn’t usually pleasant, but the failure in and of itself isn’t usually what we are afraid of. Sure, sometimes, failure could cost you your life. Like in combat, or walking a high wire, but these are not usually the situations that most of us are stuck in every day.

Most of the time we are afraid of failing in social situations, approaching a person, making a sale, starting a business, meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right etc. These are the situations where most of us wrestle with the fear of failure.

You’ve failed before, so why is it so scary to fail again?

Think back to when you were a child. When you learned to walk, did you fail, or did you just jump up and start walking? Chances are that you started by walking along something, a couch or table, and you probably fell on your butt a bunch of times, right? When you fell down, was it failure? Yep, it was failure. Did everybody laugh at you and alienate you because you couldn’t walk right away? Probably not, in fact, I hope not. So, in order to learn how to walk, you had to fail, a lot. You probably continued this pattern as you learned to speak and as you learned to do all of the other things that you know how to do. I’m sure some things are easier than others to become a master at, but most of us still make mistakes, we still fail, we have to in order to learn to be better at anything in life.

We’ve all failed before, so what are we so afraid of? It seems, after talking to many people about challenges, goals and life, fear of failure is often rooted in fear of looking like a failure and fear of the unknown, and of course one of the biggest problems of all, lack of self confidence.

The thoughts that keep many people back sound something like…

-What will people think…

-What will my life be like…

-What will my family think…

-I don’t know if I can…

-What if I can’t…

-What will I do if I can’t…

And on and on in that fashion.

It’s no wonder that with thoughts similar to these, many of us can’t seem to break through the barriers that are holding us back and move forward with our lives.

So why don’t most of us just focus on the positive what if’s?

-What would people think if I succeeded?
-What will my life be like if I succeeded?
-I’m sure I can if I keep trying….
-What if I could…
-What if it worked out perfectly?

It seems the reason many of us don’t focus on the positive what if’s is that we honestly don’t have the confidence to do what we are afraid of. But there is one other reason people are scared to move toward their goals, and focus on the what if’s positively. That is simply that most of us are as afraid of success as we are of failure.

Fear of Success

When I was younger, and wondering why I wasn’t succeeding, someone once told me I was afraid of success. My first thought was that being afraid of success is absurd. Who wouldn’t want success? I thought. Turns out, wanting it and being afraid of it, are two entirely different things. In fact, most of us fear some aspect of success. If we didn’t, we’d probably be much more successful and be living the limitless lives we deserve. But the sad fact is that many people are afraid of success. It’s not the success itself, it’s what comes with the success. People think thoughts like…

-What will my family/friends think of me if I am successful?
-Will I still be myself if I am successful?
-Will my marriage still be happy if I am successful?
-Will success go to my head?

And on along the same lines, I’m sure you get the point. The sad fact is that inside, there is something about success that scares most of us.

How can we have fear of success and fear of failure at the same time? Honestly, most of us are just afraid of leaving our comfort zones. We are afraid to fail because looking like a failure can be uncomfortable, and we are afraid success because that big change in our lives can be extremely uncomfortable, especially because there are often so many unknowns involved with major life changes.

So the key to dissolving some of this fear, both of failure and success is to constantly challenge yourself and push outside of your comfort zones. Remember, if you fail, it isn’t always bad.

How Failure Can Be Good

So many of us spend a lot of time and energy trying to avoid failing, but the truth is, failure can be good for us. How can failure be good for us? Simple, when we fail, we are offered a chance to analyze what went on and improve our performance. Whether it is in sales, business, relationships, sports or any number of activities, failure can be our most important learning experience.

If you fail to make a sale with a prospect, you can think back to the conversation and try to improve, if you do this enough times, you will eventually make a sale. Let me rephrase that, if you fail enough times, you will eventually succeed as you correct mistakes.

Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times in creating what we now know as the light bulb. When asked what it was like to fail 10,000 times, Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

Every time something didn’t work, he learned from it and moved on. What would our lives be like if he had been paralyzed by the fear of failure, or stopped because of the failure? A bit darker I bet.

Further, as you find more and more ways to fail and learn from the failure, you will increase your tolerance for failure. Soon, failure will just be considered a learning experience and will not have any hold on you. Don’t get me wrong, no matter how many times you fail, there will still be some fear of failure, but you will be better equipped to set aside that fear and do what is needed to succeed.

How to Abolish the Fear of Failure

Knowing that failure can exponentially increase our success, what can we do to reduce the fear of failure so that we can move forward confidently despite the outcome?

Lets do an exercise together. Grab a pen and paper, and set aside about 5 or 6 minutes.

1. Write your goal, and be as specific as you can. Don’t just write, to be rich, write it in specific terms with a believable deadline attached. This is important, the worst that will happen is that you fail and don’t make the deadline, but make it a challenge so that the goal calls you to action and excites you at the mere thought of it.
2. Now, some of you may not be familiar with this, but try it anyway.  Visualize what it would be like to already be living that goal. If it is a monetary goal, how would it feel to have that amount of money? Spend about a minute just basking in the feeling of having the goal, thinking about what your life will be like when you have what you want.
3. What will it take to achieve this goal? Write down the steps you know you could take toward the goal. What actions can you take right now toward the goal?
4. Now, here is a very important question for you to ask yourself: What is the worst thing that can happen if I fail? Write out the worst case scenario on a sheet of paper.
5. What are the chances that the absolute worst case will happen, most likely the worst is probably not going to happen, something bad may happen if you fail, but very often it isn’t the worst case scenario.
6. If the worst happens, can I live with the consequences? Will it be the end of the world if this happens, or could I live with it? Could I continue my life and pick up the pieces if the absolute worst happened? I’m not asking you how you would, just could you?
7. Knowing how good it would feel to succeed, what is one action I could take right now to move me 1 step toward my goal? Write 1 thing down.
8. Now do it. Take one action and if you have time, take another action and another until you are much closer to your goal.

Get started. Hopefully by now you have broken down some of your fear of failure and you know of an action you can take to get you closer to your goal. So take the action and get started.  You can do this, failure isn’t always such a bad thing, so get out there and start failing.

Ask yourself, “What can I fail at today?” Then start it. The worst thing that could happen is that you succeed…or learn, either way, you’ve had an experience and you’re closer to your goal.

Now what’s holding you back?

I hope this finds you well,

Ryan M. Hall

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